Feelin' Fragile

For those of us who struggle with our mental health, our minds can often feel like a room full of expensive, fine China. You tip-toe around, being very careful not to knock something over. In a time like this though, something like COVID-19 can jump out and scare you, causing you to knock over all of the dishes and create a mess of tiny, abrasive pieces to pick up. If you're not much of a metaphor person, I'll explain what I mean. Right before the times all of this social distancing and our anxiety-ridden society, I felt like my mental health was on the uprise. I was in a good routine, my grades weren't looking too shabby and I was maintaining my friendships a lot better than normal. Now though, I can't stay on a schedule to save my life, I'm begging and pleading for any grace from my professors and despite being completely and entirely UN-busy some days, I have ignored more calls and texts than ever before. This was definitely not the direction I had hoped to be going right now. I'm sure I'm not alone though. I knew I was struggling, but it really hit me recently when I was about to take a zoom call for a class, and I didn't want to turn my camera on, because every inch of my room was filthy.

I don't think I had picked up a single article of clothing in weeks. This has always been a clear sign to me of my depressive episodes. The disorganization and carelessness typically result in even more stress and sadness. It's a destructive cycle. My ADHD has also been a player in my mental health struggle, and my inability to focus on school or work with all of my distractions at home has been a recipe for disaster in my life.

Aware of my problems, I was too embarrassed for my class to see my room then, and while I still am pretty embarrassed now, I think it's important to share. The people in my class had NO CLUE what a mess my room was, and therefore, had no idea that I'm kinda goin' through it right now. And that's just it...you don't know what those around you are dealing with in these times. You never really can know for sure, but it's becoming much easier to hide right now.

Those with any degree of depression often find themselves isolated, which typically leads to them feeling even worse. However, they're being encouraged to isolate for safety reasons. How twisted is that? As for those with disordered eating habits, those who restrict their food intake may not have anyone monitoring what, when, or IF they're eating. It's much easier to hide these behaviors when there's no one around to check-in. And binge eaters? They're now constantly surrounded by food at home, possibly with no one to "catch them" eating, and they are encouraged to buy food in bulk to avoid trips to the store. The people we love could be going through absolute hell right now, and we might not even know it. Check-in with them! FaceTime your people and keep their minds occupied. Give them someone to vent to, because who knows what they have going on! Do what you can to be there for those facing their demons right now. And for those reading this who are struggling themselves, it's so important to take control of the things we can to take care of ourselves. The small things, the things that usually don't seem to matter, will end up making all the difference. For instance, I did a load of laundry today! After that, it was a lot easier for me to transition to doing schoolwork. By the time I had done that, why not do a little bit of remote work? Sure, I'm halfway through my day and already wanting to sit back and do nothing for the rest of it, but for the first time in a long time, I was able to check off almost everything on my to-do list. I haven't finished it just yet, but I can at least be proud of doing SOMETHING today. That's more than I can say for some of the other days recently. We are taking precautions to protect ourselves from the virus, and I can not discount the importance of doing so, but we have an equally-pressing duty to protect ourselves and others from the dangers of knocking over one of the bowls in the china shop.